Letters to Maddie

Letters to my baby girl

Day of the Dead

For a large chunk of my life, January 2 was a holiday in my house. A day of solitude, reflection, pondering. I considered it akin to the whipping-boy of old- that if I could just get out all my self loathing, depression, inner sadness for one day, maybe the next I could put back on the game face I use for my daily life. I would allow myself one full day to wallow in anything I felt deserved it. Cry,…

Wrote this for work

So this is my daughter Maddie. She’s still pretty new here to the planet. Rather than spending my bio talking about me, I’m gunna talk about her, and what I want for her. I want her to grow up and know Jesus. I don’t want her to just know about Him, I want her to love Jesus in with the depth and genuine passion with which I love her. I want her to avoid my mistakes of rampant pride and…

Musings on six weeks in

I’ve prayed to die more times than I can count. From about 14 or 15 onward, I’ve been praying somewhere between 20-200 times per day to die. I pray it as a song, in words, in moans. It’s been the one counterpoint in frequency to “I love you” said to my wife, and “I live to serve” said to everyone. But Maddie was born a bit over a month ago, and suddenly, once. Like not for one day, but one…

Baby Maddie

Hey Kiddo… Man, even that feels odd- I haven’t settled yet on what I’m gunna call you. Sometimes it The Kid, other time TK for short. Kiddo, Maddie, Laney, Maddie-Lane- I’m all over the map. Who knows… I love you. Right now, you barely even exist- you’re just a dream and a bump in my mind and your mothers belly. You kick back when I give you a jostle, much to your mothers delight and then pain. Sometimes you’re moving…

Tiny Human

Holy crap, holy crap… holy crap. Some moments, you wonder what they’d be like if they ever happened. You wonder if you’d be excited, angry, sad, or what? Moments that transcend life as usual, and change the course of your thoughts and actions from there on out. I’m experiencing one of those now. But I’m always surprised to be an accurate assessor of self on the big things. I always wonder if this time I’ll be wrong, be timid where I…