Words and More Words

I write on no set schedule, no rhythm, just what’s in my mind when there’s something in there to get out. I don’t overthink my grammar or punctuation, I just write my mood. I’m just as likely to look back on something I’ve written and dislike it as you are. All I can promise is that if I wrote it, it’s what I genuinely thought at that time.

Holy Crap, this is happening

So I turned in my notice a couple weeks ago, working through my one-month notice at Morning Star. I’ll be honest, some days I still wake up and can’t believe I actually did it. I’m terrified I’m leaving the best job I’ve ever had. The best co-workers, the best purpose, and the most life happiness I’ve had in any job I’ve ever worked. But the door to this next opportunity swung wide, while my opportunities at Morning Star were dwindling…

Upon the exit from Morning Star

This week I turned in my notice at Morning Star. Genuinely I didn’t think that could ever happen. I thought I’d make it here for the long term- outlast Scott, ride the sea of change to a church that stops demonizing the next generation and tries to reach them. But sadly, I kept coming back to the verse- “Let us do evil that good may result”? Their condemnation is just!” Romans had it right- that if I do evil, aid…

Stuff to keep

The letter I sent to staff today: So I wanted to update you on a big change for me and my family. This ain’t public info yet, so please keep it to yourself as I work on informing people as time permits.  I am taking a job at Ultrex, being the IT Manager and managing a team of IT staff and supporting a variety of companies, non-profits, and churches doing the same thing I’ve done at Morning Star, just for…

The Great Unknown

So it’s no longer a hypothetical- I’ve got an offer for an 80k a year job, with easy growth where it’d be shocking not to make 100+ within a year or so. I’d be doing IT, managing my own department, and helping people in a variety of ways within tech. But with the backing of a company so I’m not taking on the risk myself. And I’m paralyzed. I don’t want to be my dad. Working so much, so hard,…

It’s not about me

This weekend is Easter Sunday. As a guy who works at a church, that’s one of the busy seasons. One of the “all hands on deck” kind of moments. I hate about myself that I have a capacity to make things about myself. I over-think, over-analyze how I’m doing, what I’m doing- not that I think I’m what’s important in the grand scheme of things, but rather I am the only thing that I control. So I overthink my role…

Day of the Dead

For a large chunk of my life, January 2 was a holiday in my house. A day of solitude, reflection, pondering. I considered it akin to the whipping-boy of old- that if I could just get out all my self loathing, depression, inner sadness for one day, maybe the next I could put back on the game face I use for my daily life. I would allow myself one full day to wallow in anything I felt deserved it. Cry,…

In Salem as it is in heaven…

I feel like there’s a sea of change coming for what christianity looks like in america. Like so many times before, we sit on a generational cusp, where the older and younger generations aren’t just different, but so supremely different that I see change being the only way forward for the church. 40% of people church attenders under the age of 40 have stopped attending in the last year. That’s not a seasonal or cyclical pattern, that’s a mass exodus.…

RIOT Message March 2022

Address the camera on a stand I’ve got set up in the front row for my boys. In case you can’t tell from my face, I’m old. I grew up in a very different time and place. So help me understand. Do high schoolers still actually get in fistfights? Or do you just harass each other online and call that bullying? Ok, let me give you a glimpse into the kid Jim Smith- so we moved at the end of…

Valentines Day 2022

It’s valentines day, and for the first time in forever, I feel like I’ve got nothing to say. I’m wordless. Every emotion expressed, every heart beat explained. Between my recent trial with going silent, and just getting older, I think I look forward to being a more quiet man. That said, life isn’t about learning that new thing, it’s about re-experiencing and re-learning those core basic truths that make life what it is. When it comes to my love, my…

Church

I’ve spent a lot of time lately, asking myself what I think the church should be VS what it is. Dreaming of not the modern American church, with all of its geopolitical Christianity, but rather, the simple, stripped down faith that I long for. And how do those things “fit” in an already existing church in modern america? I dream of a church where choices are made not based on what groups give, and whether or not it impacts attendance.…

Trust

I’ve spent a lot of time praying lately, but the same few things on my heart on repeat to God. I’m not flowery in wording, not excessive in time, just super often repeated the same things I’m asking God to do in and around me. That as my family faces so many unknowns, and seemingly the next couple years could take us in very divergent paths, would our hearts remain His, would we love God with all we’ve got and…

Bring my vision upwards

I’ve had a struggle lately at work. Been wrapped up in it, to the detriment of my work, if I’m being real. I’ve delved into all the nuance of why I’m concerned about the future of our church, and all the reasons that our present sins might veer us enough off course to not exist in a few years. I wrestle with the knowledge that I see certain things like rampant pride, idolatry, and a failure to carry out the…