The unknown

I watched last week as Rudy Golbert of the NBA made fun of the Covid19/Coronavirus and played bongos on each of the microphones in front of him to demonstrate how unafraid he was of the next big threat.

Then one day later, the NBA was shutting down for the first time ever over health reasons. As I started to laugh at what a moron he was, I recognized, “That’s exactly what I would do!”

That same Wednesday, we were talking amongst the staff about how there were elevated worries, and we’d call that level one. Maybe possibly over the next month it might move to level 2- where they in any way restrict travel or groups, shut down big events. Level three would be home lockdown. We all kind of chuckled at John wanting to develop a plan for such an unlikely reality (or maybe just I did) but we humored him and did it, thinking wed file it away with overhyped plans for actualizing issues.

But then by that night the whole world screeched to a halt, and now, just a week and half later, we’re moved to online only services, with home lockdown seeming to be imminent Monday.

If not for finances, I’d chalk it up to hard times and a joy to serve Jesus in the midst of a new and crazy time.

But instead, I am brought back down to a worldly reality that our church just was riding out from the storm of the last couple years, and had only a couple months of stable finances under our belt. We weren’t yet putting into savings or restoring cut salaries, so now with online only giving, and no church service to drive that giving, our leadership has been good and clear in communicating where we are, and how we are doing. If we are to need to make cuts, there will be no suprises.

So I’m at home, working from my dining room table, fully expecting that by this time next month I’ll be doing this as a volunteer. Doing what I love for the Church is easy, that I’ll always enjoy. But the dire thoughts that within months we’d lose our house, our income, and be worrying for how to provide for my lovely wife and child.

BUT in all this, I trust you God. You have been good and faithful, even when I have not been. You have seen me through harder times and wonderful times. So even in this, I’m not sure I’ll make it through financially, I’m not sure I’ll keep my house or find another job that can pay the bills, but that’s not what I trust God for. I trust God that even if I am to suffer, and even if I am to writhe, it’ll be for his glory. That He will use my life, my good and my bad and bring glory and honor and praise to himself, and if even this season I appear to be stepping into does indeed suck, I trust that it’ll suck to the Glory of my King.

So God, there’s my prayer, that even my hard times would serve a purpose, that they’d be useful to you. I love you.